I couldnât have imagined that a crisis would ultimately become the key to breaking down the barriers within me. Barriers to writing, to sharing my struggle, to accepting help, and to deepening my faith. It wasnât a singular event, but a series of events that lead to a soul-crushing health crisis that was beyond my ability to handle. Those events left me no place to hide. My default self-reliant defenses failed me. Family and friends were profoundly supportive as they spent hours upon hours comforting me, praying for me, and sometimes just listening to me sob. But they couldnât take away the fear or the pain. I prayed that God would rescue me from my circumstances. But there would be no rescue, no miracle for me. In the small hours of the night, worry and fear swirled around me and kept me from sleep. Any temporary confidence and hope I had gained from my supporters seemed to evaporate. My usual can-do spirit was broken. I couldnât seem to escape the cyclical anxiety dragging me down into hopelessness. God seemed far away then. Trapped inside the vortex of my own mind, I struggled to hear the message: Be still, and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10a)
This blog is a new endeavor for me. It is answering a call to do something of consequence with my experience going through and emerging from this life-threatening health crisis. Perhaps to answer the âwhy?â question, I couldnât view this experience without asking what purpose these events serve in my life beyond suffering. Writing has been a powerful tool to help me move through many moments of chaos and uncertainty, to explore my thoughts and fears, and to feel the range of emotions that come with them, and then put them to rest. This blog provides an opportunity to employ my life-long interest in writing in a meaningful way, that perhaps will offer hope and encouragement to others.
The blog name âHeart of a Hikerâ is a double entendre on purpose. I have always loved wild places and hiking, and it was the health of my heart that threatened my life and ability to keep hiking. In the blog posts that follow, I will share the story of my health crisis experience, and how these events provided unique opportunities for growth in unexpected ways. This blog will include stories of hiking, health, suffering, faith, joy, my observations about life, and anything else that strikes my fancy. But mostly this blog is about hope, and the blessings that like butterflies, can emerge from a cocoon of crisis.
Thank you for your writing! Please know that it IS helpful for others to read your story and to understand that when we face challenges we are not alone! Others have gone before us through these types of experiences. Others will help us if we reach out.
The one sentence I disagree with in your post is your statement that there was “no miracle for me”. I see many miracles in your story, allowing you to continue your recovery from these setbacks!
Thank you, Amy! You are absolutely right – at the time I wanted one kind of miracle, but over time I have experienced many miracles that I never asked for…but those are for a later post! đ
You write really well. It s joy to read and to know that you are recovering and resuming a somewhat normal life. I think it is a bit early in your experience to establish the why? of the experience or the impact your desire to share will have on others. From what I have heard from others, it sometimes takes many years to assess the answers to those questions. In the meantime, keep writing. It is something you do well, and find therapeutic. If it blesses you it will undoubtedly bless others. Will we get notices for additional posts or should we just check the website periodically for more. In the meantime, happy hiking!
Thank you so much for your kind words, Bev. I agree, I think it may take years for me to fully comprehend the meaning of all of this. As for the notices about new posts, I’m working on learning more about how to do all of that, so I’ll keep you posted when I’ve got that sorted.
I LOVE the name of your blog! Heart is right!
Thank you, Jane! It has that double-entendre goin’ on!
An amazing journey, thank you for sharing your vulnerabilities and faith. You have a gift for writing! Happy Thanksgiving!
Smiles and hugs,
Patsy
Thank you so much!